As we get closer to learning more about current life situations, and figuring out what those situations mean for our family, the journey has become something unexpected, something beautiful, something that is hard to put into words for those with intimate knowledge of it all.
Calling it “beautiful” might sound strange from the outside. And yet, here we are. Answers don’t come quickly (hard for my inpatient heart!), and yet, through it all, many members of our family (though I’ll speak specifically for myself), have felt a calling back to God; an invitation to rest in the softness of his hand, and to renew trust and hope, even when that hope coincides with grief for the vision of what we (perhaps foolishly) assumed was to come.
In my Scripture reading plan for the year (“A Beautiful Year in the Bible” by Alabaster… check them out for both this guide and also their amazingly beautiful illustrated books of the bible), we’ve walked through multiple books of the Bible, in tiny segments each day, but keep Psalms somewhat central. It’s fitting. Over the past year I’ve found myself drawn to different chapters of this book on the regular, but now it’s engrained in the plan itself… but this is where I find myself living, and finding the hope I mentioned before.
A few verses in particular continue to catch my attention.
The first set, are Psalm 16:5-6: “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance.
Next, Psalm 17:15: As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I wake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
And finally: Psalm 18:1-3: I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
I don’t think it’s an accident that these 3 Psalms of David were grouped together in the Psalms, though what I think matters little when it comes to the events God himself ordains; and yet, regardless of the reading plan for the day, I find myself in these three chapters, with these verses continually in mind and the words in bold also underlined or frantically circled in my own Bible.
You see, for years, I’ve chased strength: becoming a Ninja athlete, competing in ultra marathons, and even competing in Power Lifting are central activities here. They’re not all encompassing. They obviously fall below my family, my kids, my relationship with God; I would be hesitant to even call them idols in that I daily thank God for the opportunity to pursue them. And yet – deep down – they certainly make me feel strong; a strong that I absolutely take pride in.
And now, they’re (potentially) on the chopping block, or, at minimum, at a place where they require a certain level of modification.
So, while not – as I can currently identify – idols, they’re absolutely a strength that I can often attribute to my own behaviors and schedules and routines. And looking at a future where they begin to change or even go away, I could easily slip into a world of panic.
And yet… God, David, and these Psalms.
God is my chosen portion: a choice we all must make, and if we make it, we must also agree that he holds our lots, that our days are ordained by his plans, and have been since the creation of the world.
We can choose to look at his likeness – his true qualities – now, or we will be forced to when we meet him face to face, and we can choose to be satisfied with what we see (as David did), or, to find ourselves longing (perhaps pointing to a deeper dissonance).
And if we choose him, if we lean on him, if we find ourselves in the palm of our hand and see that as a place we long to find ourselves instead of something we run and turn from, we can absolutely live in his strength, his fortress, and his deliverance; something no pursuits of this world can ever provide.
I don’t know what’s ahead. And while for our family it’s a more “in your face” sort of unknown, I think we all walk in the unknown every single day… what do we do with that? Do we embrace our own strength? Or, do we dig to the place where David did, where all else was stripped away and he chose to behold his maker’s face and trust in the strength that can only be found in that depth; only when willing to go below the surface of everything we’ve built up for ourselves?
It’s a path I’m walking daily and maybe you are too. My hope is that just maybe you pull out your Bible and dive into all of it, but maybe with a little extra time to dwell here in these Psalms. If you do, take the time to think on them, to reflect on how your life might mirror what David may have been feeling in these moments, and to ask God to step in and be your strength.
Here’s to truth, friends. And here’s to a hope that’s worth clinging to. Praise God.
Take Two 
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