Speaking for Them: Speaking to Her

I’m a believer and follower of Jesus. If you’ve been here before or have interacted with me at all… I’m pretty sure you already knew that.

But, with this week’s decision I’m not out dancing in the streets. I’m not crying happy tears, rubbing this decision in any faces. In fact, I’m doing lots of research, trying to figure out what it all means, understanding complex issues like insurance coding, the harm that vague language can cause and figuring out whether putting any issue into individual states’ hands is a good thing or a recipe for disaster: I’m learning. I’m praying. I’m digesting.

But, there’s something I know – something that has probably been the cause of discomfort as the week and weekend have progressed – that doesn’t require that heart work.

I know that I’m a child of adoption.

I know that 35 years and some months ago, my birth mom had an excruciating choice to make: and she chose me.

Her health was not at risk more than a normal pregnancy – I KNOW, mortality rates here are less than desirable and I believe in fighting to change that – but what I’m saying is I was not an ectopic pregnancy, I was not putting her life in danger in any of the ways that we need to be VERY careful the law allows for. I was not a child of incest.

But, I surely was an inconvenience. The timing of my conception was way less than ideal. The father wanted nothing to do with the situation, let alone me (I’m grateful beyond words for his family members though, who have stepped in after learning the truth last year). Beyond this, a lot goes into my birth mom’s story, which is hers alone to share. There are details I’ll never know… and that’s okay.

Her heart was (and is today) loving, and it was torn. Folks didn’t understand her choice. Her own children didn’t understand her choice. The road she walked was hard. And, she chose to carry me, deliver me, and hand me over to a family that was able to provide the life she chose for me… a decision I’m not sure I’d be strong enough to make today.

She chose me. And every day, mothers around the world make the same, grueling, gut-wrenching, against-all-emotional-connection choices. And I’m grateful each day for it.

I feel like it’s my responsibility to share that, and to speak for the ones without a voice, because guys, they ARE a part of this equation. I was a part of this equation.

Psalm 139 tells us:

¹³ For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

Yes, we grow and develop when we take our first breaths. We show emotion as we grow. We learn. We take on big firsts. But, if we believe what scriptures tell us, life DOES begin before viability. We are fearfully created, seen, known, and planned for by the God that formed the universe before we take that first breath.

Which moves to the next thing:

I speak for her.

Friend: if you’re facing something big today, I see you. I feel for you. If you can reach out to me, I’ll HEAR you and sit with you and walk with you.

My fear here, is that – with the overturn of Roe vs. Wade, thousands of women who have been contemplating what to do might now feel – forcefully – that they’re rushed. They might need to make decisions fast. These aren’t tiny decisions, they’re big, with implications for many, and the suddenness of what just took place might make it completely unbearable to wait: tomorrow is too unknown.

If you’re in that spot, sister, know you are loved. Know that there are supportive arms willing to grasp yours and walk forward. Know that while opinions, and fear, and anger, and even righteous rage create conflict on the outside: you matter. You deserve the same love and support you always have. If the world is spinning, look up. Find quiet. Block it out while you evaluate.

I speak for you.

Suddenly, voices are everywhere.

Friend, if you’ve had an abortion in the past, and you haven’t shared it with others, and now, those others who you always wondered are screaming words that make you feel less-than, know that you’re worthy of love too.

Know that there’s grace here.

Know that you don’t need to explain.

Know that your future was planned out since the beginning of time too. Know that you are loved and take heart.

Then do the same as your sister in a tough spot today, look up. Block it out and look to the creator of the world. His grace is unending and his mercies are new each morning.

I speak to believers.

Friends, if we love God the way we proclaim to, and we follow Jesus’s example here on earth, we need to take heart today too.

We need to get on our knees and pray before any words come out of our mouths, before we celebrate with banners in the yard… we need to walk according to the manner in which we have been called. We need to stop using social media as sounding boards and loudspeakers. The world is watching us.

We need to listen: not to our emotions or those around us, but to what the scriptures say. Our generation – as Francis Chan has spoken of – relies an awful lot on our emotions, on our thoughts, and on OUR desires, instead of the truth that God promises the Bible – his word – provides.

We need to fight for justice: this might mean making sure state laws are CLEAR, that procedures like ectopic pregnancies that are currently coded as abortion don’t become “gray.” The same with terminal pregnancies that put mother’s lives at risk. I’ve heard a lot of “well, that’s the exception…” and guys, even if something is RARE, it is possible. We’ve seen this situation play out in other countries with devastating consequences. The exception cannot be something we write off: clarity is required in all things, but especially law, ESPECIALLY law when lives are at risk. We need to take our time to read laws, to understand, and to weigh our words against the words of Scripture to find absolute truth.

We need to LOVE. We do not know the desperate situations our sisters have found themselves in in the past, or are facing today. If we are not approachable, we might be shutting doors that need to stay open, we might be causing hurt. We need to remember that our greatest commands are to love God, and love others. Full stop.

We need to step up. We need to open our doors. We need to put our words to action: we’re accused frequently of being pro-BIRTH, not pro-life. If we’re not supporting the babies we fight for after birth, then the assessment is correct. It must not be.

Friend: if your emotions are mixed today. If you’re hurting. If you’re angry. If you feel lost. Know this: You are not an accident. You’re designed by a loving God with a purpose that is great.

Friends, let’s tread carefully on a foundation of truth and careful evaluation. Let’s be the lights we’re called to be: the world needs us now more than ever