A Wandering Heart

Lately, writing has felt foreign.

I don’t know if it’s the chaos of this life stage we’re in, the emotions that have come with the upheaval of the past year on a professional level for my husband, or something else… but finding the time to sit and put thoughts together just hasn’t been the most appealing thing.

As a writer – this is usually a symptom (for me at least) of something else. To me, it’s usually a sign of restlessness.

I feel it in those all around me. The unrest of the world. The hurt of friends just trying to get from one day to the next. The heaviness my kids feel as they try to navigate new spaces and experiences.

But, I also feel it in myself. To me, it means God is working. He’s pushing. He’s tugging. He’s showing he has a plan… and yet, I feel the urge to go. Sometimes I’m not sure if that’s working with him – wandering among the fringes and edges of the world trying to find exactly what he’s placed on my heart, or against, wandering to try to escape from the sense of unease that’s all around, or, a little bit of both.

And yet – as I wander, I find comfort knowing my being, my truth, my rest – it’s all in him. It’s his; it always has been. But still, it’s uncomfortable.

This state of both a need to run fully toward him to find rest, and to run wild to find out what it all means… it’s not new. From a young age I’ve been able to feel his sense of “more.” Not a grand “there’s more to your life,” that is shouted from publications and “influencers” but a “there’s more if you’re willing to look below the surface to where God’s storyline exists, running along everything we do, experience, chase, feel, and beyond.

Maybe you live in that tension too. Maybe you run from it. Maybe you embrace it. Maybe you haven’t been able to place your finger on it.

I feel it. I feel you.

Taking the time today to breathe in wonder as I wander, knowing that he holds it all together as I sit and as I go. Grateful for stabilizing truth in a world that feels anything but stable. He remains steady. His plan remains good. The world is big, and his story encompasses it all. Thank God.