Building Up.

My heart is heavy today, friends. It’s been a growing heaviness that I’m sure many of us have felt…one that’s hard to even identify.When I find myself in places like this…I try to identify the cause. To search my heart and to hold fast to truth.

In some ways, like many of us who call ourselves followers of Christ, I feel like a living contradiction. I’m fully pro unbiased journalism. As a believer and child of adoption, I’m fully pro life… Pro WHOLE life, a care that does not end at birth. I feel as though it is critical to help anyone who needs it, anyone who knocks on our nation’s doors. I keep my own open, to listen to those I agree and disagree with. I believe it’s fundamental to never stop learning, it’s a pursuit of mine.

In the past, none of these things has required me to take sides. I’ve been able to live in a bubble believing that most people want to be “good,” whether their definition or pursuit matches mine or not. Lately though? It feels shaky.

Never in my life have I felt more concerned about the future of our country, until now.

Never have I lost faith in some of the closest people to me because of an inability or desire to discern or seek truth, until now.

Never have I seen our very foundations shaken because of a fear or doubting of an “other” or anyone who looks different from us has become not only accepted but, in some cases, openly embraced, until now.

Never have I had to have conversations with my husband about what happens if this continues, or to discuss the contingencies that now feel far too possible, until now.

In the past few days I’ve seen three major stories, well-versed news stories, break…then suddenly disappear within hours. I’ve heard talks of the American “ideal” race among individuals I care greatly about.I’ve watched wearing or not wearing a mask become a Statement of so much more.

It’s scary. Not in an “I can’t contain or deal with it” fear…I trust our God is not surprised by anything ..and that his plan leads to good always, whether we see that good or not. But scary in a way that feels off, feels different, and feels unbalancing.

I think I can do better. I think we can do better. I think we can build bigger dinner tables. We can immerse with those who are different (and in doing so we can find more similarities than we could ever imagine).

We can teach our children the power of words and the value of truth and the importance of faith. We can shine in a time that feels dark. These are things I’ve struggled with lately.

But first, we must commit to building. To bridging gaps. To be willing to hear truth even when that truth violates what our souls deeply crave by causing dissonance. If we all do so…maybe we can begin to erase the lines. To reconcile hurts. To leave our echo chambers regardless of what we may find…perhaps finding a new boldness we didn’t know existed or was even needed.

We’ve got to love first, ask questions second, and lean in like we haven’t in the past. I think each tiny step based in love can ripple into much more.

Let’s go, y’all. Let’s love big with eyes and hearts wide open. There’s never been a better time.